Kol Nidre
October 1, 2006
Rabbi Eric S. Gurvis

THE CURSE OF BLESSINGS

Gut Yontif!
A short while ago we heard the haunting tones of the Kol Nidre. This ancient legal formula was written during a time when Jews were forced to make commitments they knew they could not keep. Nonetheless, they were compelled to make them in order to save their lives. Kol Nidre released these Jews from their false vows. While the prayer=s original legal meaning has changed over the generations, this set of words, and its melody have come to symbolize the meaning and power of this day. Kol Nidre underscores our tradition=s deep respect for the vows, promises, and obligations we take upon ourselves. In the words of Rabbi Hillel Silverman, AIt is a prayer that extols integrity B that we mean what we say and say what we mean.

No matter where we are in our life's journey, and our spiritual journey, there is something about hearing the Kol Nidre, and the power of this single day that draws on our hearts and our souls. Somewhere deep inside, we all want to feel renewed. We all want to feel forgiven, for none of us is perfect. On this day, as we focus on our lives, we want to feel we have a clean slate. As Rabbi Shlomo Riskin writes, "The most significant ... and awesome day of the Jewish year is Yom Kippur, our Day of Forgiveness ...even the most jaded and far-flung Jew wends his way to the synagogue and attempts a rapprochement with his traditions and with God."

And so we have gathered on the most solemn night of our Jewish year. The minutes and hours will weigh heavily upon us as we reflect on our words, our deeds, our lives. On this day we are keenly aware of time and its passage. What will we take from this long night and day of words and silence? Is there some way this day can shed light on the New Year with all its as-yet unleashed potential? What will speak to our hearts as we face ourselves, our neighbors and God, and ask for forgiveness, and healing? What will touch our souls as we ask for a fresh start, a new chance, another year of blessings to enjoy and to share?

Just a few weeks ago, I picked up a short book by my colleague Rabbi Mitch Chaifetz of Florida. His book, The Curse of Blessings, is a touching collection of short stories, each of which gives the reader pause to reflect on his or her own life. I began reading the tales in the weeks leading up to our holy days, and completed the collection the day after Rosh Hashanah. One tale has stuck with me. I can't shake it from my consciousness. I would even say that in the weeks since I first read it, it has been something of a beacon for me. During these Days of Awe, as we examine our lives through the process of Heshbon HaNefesh, each us needs to challenge ourselves. We must reach beyond our comfort zone, our habitual thoughts and behaviors. If this long day of teshuvah and reflection is to make a difference in our lives, we need to consider entering our New Year not simply satisfied that we=ve done the heavy lifting of these Holy Days. We need to enter the year wide open to the possibility of breathing new life into our hearts and souls. We cannot know exactly what lies in store for us in the year ahead. Our liturgy in these days certainly reminds us of this in particularly graphic ways. Yet, there is much over which we do have control. The mind-set with which we approach the year ahead must be first among the aspects of our lives over which we take control. For me personally, Rabbi Chaifetz's tale, the title story from his collection, The Curse of Blessings, has done just that. In just the few weeks since I first read it, it has taken up residence in my heart. I have adapted it that I might share it with you on this sacred night of reflection. Perhaps it will touch you too:

There was once an Officer of the Law, a recent graduate, proud as you can imagine, in his uniform of blue with brass buttons and gold epaulets. He wore a hat with a plume and a sword with a gold and ivory handle. He was as pompous as could be, arrogant, bold and callous. One day, while walking his beat he heard a commotion in an alley. He ventured into the darkness, and in the distance saw a man in rags. "Come forward," he commanded. "Come forward now!" But the man did not respond. "I am an Officer of the Law, and I command you, come forward!" The man in rags did not move. He simply responded, saying, "I don't know what I'm going to do with you." "Do with me?" the Officer mocked. "Do with me?? You don't do with me! I do with you! I am an Officer of the Law, and I command you to come forward." "Now I know what to do with you," said the man in rags, drawing his sword as he spoke. "Now I know what to do." Without another word he moved to attack. The Officer drew his own sword in defense. "Stop that!" he ordered. "Put your sword down right now!" But the man in rags did not stop. The Officer parried thrusts left and right. "Stop!" he said again, but to no avail. Finally, the Officer was forced to retreat. When it seemed he would prevail, the man in rags lowered his guard. The Officer then suddenly thrust forward, and his sword ran right through the man in rags. "I didn't mean to hurt you," cried the Officer. "Why didn't you stop when I ordered you to? Why did you attack me!" The man in rags waved the words away. "I am leaving you," he said. "As I do, I put upon you the Curse of Blessings." "What do you mean?" asked the Officer, now quite confused. "The Curse of Blessings. Every day you must say a new blessing, one you have never said before. On the day you do not say a new blessing, on that day you will die." The man in rags closed his eyes. The Officer of the Law looked about for help but there was none to be found. When he turned back, the man in rags was gone.

"It was a dream," the Officer thought. "I imagined it."

It was late in the afternoon. The sun was setting. As much as the Officer tried to ignore the experience, he couldn't. He felt his body growing cold. From the chill, he knew that his life was leaving him. In a panic, he uttered words of blessing: "You are blessed, Eternal God, ruler of the universe, who has created such a beautiful sunset." At once warmth and life flowed back into him. With shock and relief he realized the curse was real.


The next morning he did not delay. He awoke with words of blessing. "You are blessed that You allowed me to wake up this morning." His life felt secure the entire day. The next morning he blessed his ability to rise from his bed, the following day, that he could tie his shoes. Day after day he found abilities he could bless: that he could go to the bathroom, that he had teeth to brush, that each finger of his hands still worked, that he had toes on his feet and hair on his head. He blessed his clothes, his house, the roof and floor, his furniture, every table and chair. As he ran out of things to bless, he began to bless relationships. He blessed his family and friends, fellow workers, and those who worked for him. He blessed the mailman and the clerks. He was surprised to find how others appreciated the blessings. His words had power. They drew family and friends closer to him. Word went out that the Officer was a source of blessing. Years passed, decades. He found he had to go farther afield to find new sources of blessing. He blessed city councils and university buildings, scientists, and their discoveries. As he traveled through the world he felt a sense of awe for its balance and beauty, and he blessed that. The more he learned, the more he found to bless. He passed the age of one hundred. Most of his friends were long gone. His spent his time searching for the purpose in his life and the source from which all blessings flow. He had long since realized he was not the source but only the conduit. Even that realization he welcomed with a blessing that sustained him for yet another day.

As he approached the age of one hundred and twenty, he felt his life had been long enough. Even Moses had not lived longer. On his birthday he made a conscious decision, he would utter no new blessing and would thereby allow his life to come to an end. Still he could recite old blessings, and throughout the day he reviewed them, all the blessings for his body and his possessions, for relationships throughout the world, for the awesome beauty of creation, and for the deep resonance of purpose that pervaded his very being. But no new blessing passed his lips. As the sun was setting, a chill progressed inward from his extremities. He did not resist it.

In the twilight a figure appeared, the man in rags. "You!" the Officer exclaimed. "I have thought about you every day for a hundred years! I never meant to harm you. Please forgive me." "You don't understand," said the man in rags. "You don't know who I am, do you? I am the angel who was sent a hundred years ago to harvest your soul. But when I looked at you, so pompous and proud, I found nothing to harvest. All I saw was an empty uniform. So I put the Curse of Blessings on you, and now look what you've become!"

In an instant, the Officer grasped all that had happened and why. Overwhelmed he said, "You are blessed, my God, Ruler of the universe: You have kept me alive and sustained me so I could attain this moment." "Now look what you've done!" said the man in rags in frustration. "A new blessing!" Life flowed back into the Officer of the Law. The two men looked at each other, neither of them knowing quite what to do.

In the weeks since I first read The Curse of Blessings, I have found myself reflecting on its simple power. In one respect it is the age-old lesson of the glass half-empty, versus the glass half-full. But I think that Rabbi Chaifetz's tale strikes on a more powerful level than simply whether we look at life through a positive or negative set of spectacles. In order to save his own life, the Officer of the Law was forced to move beyond his own full sense of self, and take active responsibility for his words and his deeds. He was forced to refocus the way in which he looked at his world. At first, though more positive, his outlook was, nonetheless narrowly focused on himself. Only when he ran out of things to bless that were literally close to home, only then did he open his eyes to the world around him B to the people around him, and find things to bless beyond himself.

My friends, each year, with the blast of Shofar at the close of Neilah, I feel my most alive. I am often greeted, "You must be exhausted." Truth is, a couple of hours after that Shofar blast, I am indeed wiped out. But each year, as we end this long day together, I find myself alive and brimming with hope and optimism for the blessings and potentials of the New Year. I know I am not alone. This year, I suspect I will be quietly seeking that one new thing I can bless each day. Not because I fear for my life, but because Rabbi Chaifetz's story has touched my soul and given me a new way in which to approach the blessings and potentials of the year ahead.

In our Torah reading tomorrow morning, we will read from chapters 29 and 30 of Deuteronomy. We will hear of a powerful scene as the Israelites stand before God, much as we do on this Holy Day: "You stand this day, all of you, before the Lord your God -- your tribal heads, your elders and your officials, all the men of Israel, your children, your wives, even the stranger within your camp, from wood-chopper to water-drawer -- to enter into the covenant of Adonai your God, which Adonai your God is concluding with you this day." As the portion nears its powerful conclusion, we will hear the words, "I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day: I have put before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life -- that you and your offspring may live." As we enter this New Year, may we choose life each and every day, by finding in ourselves, our relationships, and our world, at least one new thing to bless each day. May we too fill our lives with good and blessing. Like the Officer may we realize our potential to be the conduit for blessings for those around us. Forgive me if I say, may the "curse of blessings be upon us." And may it lead each of us, to create a year of life, learning, laughter, love and blessing!